Resolving Unsolvable Problems with Polarity Management

Have you ever asked yourself any of the following types of questions?

1. Should I seek structure or live in the moment and be spontaneous?

2. Is everything predetermined or do we have free will?

3. Should I focus on being satisfied with who I am, or be driven and keep pushing for more?

4. Should I just be compassionate and encouraging, or challenge others and hold them accountable?

5. Should I be rigid and focused, or flexible and adaptive?

6. Should I be friends with my children, or focus on being their parent?

7. Open and accepting vs. discerning and judging?

8. Chaos or Order?

9. Collective life or individuality?

10. Liberal and open or conservative and protective?

11. Justice or mercy?

Can you feel the tension? They seem like unsolvable problems, right?

Polarity vs. Problem

The trouble with these questions is that they often present a false choice.

The reason is that many of these questions are polarity questions. When we frame them as either/or, we’re setting ourselves up for a one-dimensional answer to a multi-dimensional challenge.

I recently came across the term “Polarity Management” for handling just such questions. They are Polarity questions, and the answer is often something in between or “both.”

Truth or grace is another such false dichotomy. You might say, “Well which one is it, bozo?!” And to that, I would respond, “Both truth AND grace!”

And you might say, “Well you can’t have it both ways!”

To which I’d respond, the greatest truths in life seem to be Polarity questions that are seeming paradoxes.

Another one is “Be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.” It’s not either or. If we’re just shrewd then it’s terrible what we can inflict on others. But if we’re just harmless doves, that’s another kind of awful vulnerability too.

The scriptures eloquently present both, together, living in seeming tension but perfect harmony.

Welcome to adulthood, where there are no simple answers to Polarity questions. And I for one love that God made it this way. The mystery is more beautiful than the trite one way or the other.

The 7 D’s as a Polarity Management System

Most teams fail at polarity management because they try to handle it with vibes and good intentions. The 7 D’s Business Alignment Framework turns it into an operating system.

1) Define what you’re trying to protect

Polarity clarity starts with the question: “What are we building?”

Example: Compassion vs. Accountability

• If your Destiny is a flourishing team and a healthy business, you need both:

  • Compassion protects dignity

  • Accountability protects standards

Destiny sets the “why” that keeps you from idolizing one pole.

2) Name your non-negotiables

Your DNA answers: “Who are we?”

Write down the values that must remain true while you manage the tension.

Example:

• “We tell the truth with love.”

• “We honor people and the mission.”

• “We don’t use ‘kindness’ as avoidance.”

DNA keeps “both/and” from becoming mushy relativism.

3) Build habits that force balance

Most polarity failures are predictable because the business design rewards one side.

If you want both poles, you need structures that pull you back to center.

Examples:

• Order and Chaos: two operating cadences

  • Weekly execution meeting (Order)

  • Monthly innovation lab (Chaos/creativity)

• Freedom and Control: clear swim lanes and clear escalation paths

Design makes the healthy middle the default.

4) Create guardrails and triggers

Don’t decide the polarity every week from scratch. Decide rules once. This is the Decision dimension of the 7 D’s.

Examples:

• Compassion and Accountability

  • “We coach twice, then we decide.”

  • “We address performance within 7 days.”

• Flexibility + Focus

  • “We can start new initiatives only after X deliverables ship.”

Decision rules reduce emotional whiplash.

5) Assign polarity ownership

Polarities collapse when the founder becomes the “human shock absorber.”

Give ownership to a role or team:

• Ops often protects Order

• Product/Marketing often protects Innovation

• HR/People Ops often protects Compassion

• Leadership team protects Accountability

Define:

• Who owns each pole

• How tension gets surfaced

• When escalation happens

Delegation turns polarity management into shared leadership instead of founder anxiety.

6) Measure both poles

Measuring makes it real. So, pick one leading indicator for each pole to get the data you need.

Example: Compassion and Accountability

• Compassion metric: retention, NPS, manager 1:1 completion rate

• Accountability metric: deadline reliability, QA defects, KPI attainment

Example: Flexibility and Focus

• Flexibility metric: cycle time on experiments, time-to-decision

• Focus metric: WIP limits, throughput on the #1 priority

Data keeps you honest about which pole you’re neglecting.

7) Translate the balance into delightful stakeholder experiences

Customers, employees, and other stakeholders feel your internal polarity swings. Delight them by aligning each stakeholder journey to your Destiny and DNA.

Example:

• Too much order leads to a rigid, slow, bureaucratic customer experience

• Too much chaos leads to inconsistent delivery, surprises, broken promises

Design “Delight standards” that reflect both poles:

• Warmth and professionalism

• Speed and quality

• Custom care and repeatable process

Delight is where polarity management becomes visible in the real world.

A Simple Polarity Map You Can Use This Week (10 minutes)

Pick one tension you’re living in right now.

1. Name the polarity: ___ vs. ___

2. List the upsides of each pole (what you gain)

3. List the downsides of overusing each pole (the ditch)

4. Identify early warning signs you’re drifting into a ditch

5. Choose one practice to strengthen each pole

6. Choose one metric for each pole

7. Add it to your weekly leadership agenda: “Polarity Check”

That’s it. You just turned a philosophical debate into a leadership tool.

The Bigger Point

Polarity Management usually involves determining degrees, not either/or’s.

Don’t get me wrong, I do believe there is right and wrong. I do believe there is truth and error.

It’s just that not all questions are truth questions. Some are Polarity questions.

Couldn’t our culture use less polarization and more Polarity Management?